“Never mind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you, too.” Adele’s beautiful lyrics from her album 21, sum up the feelings that one goes through when one has come to terms with the fact, that one should move on in life, and let someone go forever. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings a human can experience. But not every love is destined to last. Sometimes love fails you. Sometimes you fail to love. But to cling on to a past will only make you more miserable. A bright future is bred on a forgotten sad past. Make a special place in your heart for the one who was not meant to be, close that space forever and move on in life, rather than sulking in your past and continuing to hope that someday she/he will come back, and you will have that happy ending you always yearned for.
Keep someone away from heart and mind
It is said that there are five stages of grief and all of them are equally crucial. Someone may come and go but you have to stay strong and not get stuck in any of the stage. First comes the denial, wherein you can’t imagine that such a thing could happen to you. But there is no point denying the reality of what is bound to happen. Isolation for sometime is okay, but to make it a habit is harmful in the longer run. Then comes anger and frustration, when it hits you for the first time that such a thing has actually happened to you. You are angry at someone and this anger may surface anytime. Third comes the stage where you ponder on how you could have made things better, how you should have helped the situation and so on. Then comes the depression where immense sadness overwhelms you, and you either vent it out by crying at the smallest things, or keep it to yourself and remain in a constant state of sadness and regret about how someone you loved is truly gone. The former is always better. The last and final stage is that of acceptance, where you finally reach a calm or zen state of mind, and you withdraw yourself from the relationship completely and become whole in yourself.
The acceptance comes with the acknowledgment of your grief. But do not get overwhelmed or get lost by the grief. Don’t fight it. Recognize the feeling and give your heart some time to heal. It may seem that no one can understand what you are going through, so you yourself should understand the pain and tell yourself that it will get better and that pain is temporary. Share your pain with someone close to you even if they cannot understand it completely. This will give you a way to vent out your feelings and give words to them. Stop feeling regretful that you lost the love of your life. Stop punishing yourself by dwelling in the pain and making it a habit. Don’t start to enjoy the constant state of grief as it may be very detrimental to your mental health.
If the situation gets a bit out of control, then be open to seek professional help. If you start to feel that you can’t handle your feelings and this is becoming unhealthy for you, don’t feel ashamed to seek a therapist, as your problem is only yours and not someone else’s. He/she will guide you to a way out of your current situation and work through your sadness.
Don’t rush your feelings. Everything takes time to heal. A quick fix is never recommended in this scenario. You may think of jumping into another relation to replace the old one, but this will only complicate the situation more and may be harmful for you in the longer run. A relationship that is more like a rebound, has very less chances of survival. Handle your situation one day at a time. Don’t think about it too much and keep yourself busy in other works, hobbies and friends. Enjoy small things even if you feel sad inside, so that you don’t forget how it was to be happy once. The pain will reduce and will be replaced by the small joys. If ever you get hit by a giant wave of negativity, try to fight it with more positive emotions. If those songs and places remind you of that someones, then start attaching new meaning to them. Hang out more at those places with your friends or share that song with your sister.
Remember the good and the bad parts about the relationship. Try to recognize the negative elements that were there when you were in the relationship and try to remove them from your current life. Don’t dwell on them. There must have been some reason, if the relationship did not work out. Avoid these pitfalls in future relationships and nothing can stop you from your happily ever-after. And sometimes, it is just best to be in a relationship with yourself and give less importance to someone else’s presence in your life.